Back in December my wife surprised me with the news that we were expecting. We had been trying since August, to the news should not have been a surprise. But you never know how you will react to such monumental news.
A little over 3 months later, the pandemic hit. My work, knowing that Jen was pregnant, gave me a work from home setup weeks before the work from home order went wide.
Due to the pandemic, we were forced to do the gender reveal virtually.
Fast forward to August.
From Dad's Perspective
All races for the year had either been cancelled or postponed. Nonetheless, I was continuing to train. Jen and I had decided that starting August 10th (2 weeks before the due date) that I would always have me phone on me. For running, biking, and lifting this was no problem. For swimming, I planned on having my phone (volume to 11) in my swimbuddy which I tow behind me for visibility and safety. My phone also links to my watch so I can see when someone is calling.
That night, Monday, August 10th, I went to swim in English Bay. I was running late so I decided to park in the pay lot closest to the beach. With my phone (volume to 11) in my swimbuddy, I swam out to meet the rest of my training group.
At the start of my third and final lap, I heard a beeping. I stopped and realized it was my phone. I looked at my watch "Incoming call. . . Jen"
I immediately started swimming to the beach. My coach, on his kayak, saw me and knew exactly what was happening. The entire time I was swimming to shore I kept thinking, "She forgot that we are in our 2 week protocol. She is calling to ask me to pick up dinner or something from the store."
I got to shore and 2 of teammates were there. Anne asked me if I was ending my swim early. I began to rummage through my bag and said, "We will see in a minute." They immediately knew what was happening.
I looked at my phone and saw 1 voicemail and 3 missed calls. I knew this was it.
I called Jen. She picked up,
"Hi Honey, so I'm at home making that desert I wanted to try and my water broke."
"OK I am on my way home. Have you had any contractions?"
"Not yet."
"Ok then don't we need to go to the hospital?"
"I don't remember. You come home and I'll call and find out."
I sprinted to the car. Thank goodness I parked close. Brushed the sand off my feet and took off. I called my sister and then my dad. I then called Jen back. She told me to come home and we would go to the hospital together.
When I got home, Jen's Step-Mom was here. I took a shower, loaded the hospital bags in the car, and we were off. We made the comment, "Let's hope he holds out so he can be born on our Anniversary."
We called ahead to let them know we were on our way.
We got to the hospital and made our way to the Birth Center. After several questions and a stress test, the Doctor on call from our OB office arrived.
She told us that we were going to be sent home and call if there is any pain or cramping. She asked what our birth plan was. We told her that other than Jen wanting an epidural, our birth plan was whatever we need to do for healthy/safe baby and mom. The doctor was happy to hear how laid back and open we were about our plan.
We were given some information and sent home.
Once home, Jen got ready for bed and I grabbed some food. About an hour later, Jen started complaining of small cramps. I called the Birth Center and they said cramping was fine and to wait until there are contractions that are closer together and longer.
Around midnight, Jen started to get contractions. I sat next to her bed and held her hand while I timed the contractions. I had a relaxing music playlist running to help as well.
I was waiting for the 4-1-1 we had learned about in our baby prep class. Contractions 4 minutes apart, lasing 1 minute long, consistently for 1 hour. Jen's contractions were never more than 40 seconds and ranged between 1 minute and 5 minutes between them.
Around 1:30am Jen had a particularly painful contraction. She looked at me and said, "That one was bad. I want to go to the hospital." So I grabbed her a change of clothes and started to get ready to go.
I made her stop at the top of our stairs and wait until after a contraction to come down. We did the same when we got to the car.
I tried to call the hospital 3 times to let them know we were coming, but the operator never picked up.
I parked in the emergency parking lot, helped Jen out of the car, then started grabbing the overnight bags. I looked up and realized Jen was already walking through the doors of the hospital.
We got in and there was no one there to check us in. Jen tried to go through the doors, but we needed someone to buzz us in. Finally a nurse came out to yell at a couple in the waiting room for talking too loud. I pointed at Jen and she instantly opened the door for us.
We made our way to the Birth Center and were put into a room. A nurse came and started asking questions about what happened. She asked me about contractions. I told her there were not consistent or long, but that Jen had wanted to come in once they began to be painful.
She examined Jen and when she stood, she held her fist in the air. It was covered in blood all the way to her wrist. "You are 9 centimeters. Let's get you prepped for delivery."
Jen looked at me then started hitting me. "WE MISSED THE EPIDURAL! YOU HAD ONE JOB! I'M SO MAD AT YOU RIGHT NOW!!"
I had no idea what to say. I just kept repeating "I'm sorry." It went too fast and the contractions had no consistency. And I kept thinking back to the baby prep class and the stories of couples being sent home because they came to the hospital too early.
The nurse put Jen in a wheelchair, I grabbed our stuff, and we made our way to Delivery Room 11. Room 11, August 11, our 2 year wedding anniversary. Too perfect. I put our stuff in the corner and I stood there to keep out of the way.
The room was a flurry of activity as 2 more nurses and a pediatrician entered the room. They informed us that the pediatrician was there because the baby's heart rate was a bit higher than they'd like.
The nurses asked me to get Jen some water. I remember thinking I should hurry so I didn't miss it. But then realized the nurses would not do that to me.
When I came back, it was time for Jen to start pushing. I held her hand and did my best to support her. I gave her water and wiped her face after every push.
After each push I would tell Jen that she was close, but she did not believe me. Jen remembers hearing a nurse say it would be another 45 minutes to an hour. I never heard them say this. I could read the eyes and the body language of the nurses and could tell we were in fact very close.
After each push Jen would exclaim "I can't!" Followed by the chorus of nurses lead by me answering, "Yes you can! You are doing great!"
The nurses gave Jen the laughing gas, but Jen stopped using it. She said it did not help.
After one particularly painful push, Jen asked, "Why!? Why do people do this!? Why do people have kids?!?"
I responded, "You'll know in about 5 minutes."
After a few more pushes, the nurses told Jen that she pushed better when her head was up with her chin in her chest. So the next push, I put my hand behind her neck to help her. One of the nurses walked up to Jen and said, "You are doing so well. Every time you push, we can see hair."
Jen looked at me and sobbed, "He has hair!!!"
The most difficult aspect of the birth was looking down and seeing the person I loved the most in so much pain. I just wanted to help, but I knew there was nothing I could do. After a while, that feeling of helplessness was replaced with absolute awe and pride. I always knew my wife was strong, but seeing this, it was clear just how strong she really is. I am now afraid of her.
The doctor came in, took one look at Jen, and said, "Oh! We are having a baby!!"
After a few more pushes Jen asked, "How much longer?!"
The doctor looked up and said, "Give me some really good pushes and we can have this baby in the next 3 minutes."
Jen looked at me and with one glance I told her 'You got this' and she told me 'I got this.'
The doctor gave Jen some freezing injections to help with the tear that was starting.
She began to push harder and harder. At one point, I peaked and saw the top of baby's head. I looked at Jen and said, "I see the head Jen. Once more big push and we have a baby."
She gave one more big push and then. . .
There was a baby.
A switch went off in Jen and absolute pain turned to absolute joy. The nurses placed the baby on Jen's chest. All we could do was stare at him. He was perfect.
The doctor and nurses continued to tend to Jen and sew up the small tear. Jen asked if the stitches would hurt. I thought to myself, "After that, will anything hurt you!?"
After a while, the pediatrician took him, just to check him. After a quick check and a weigh in, I got to hold him.
I took off my shirt to give him some skin-to-skin time. That is when it hit me. The moment he was in my arms. I was a dad.
He started to cry, so I stood up and walked him around the room. He calmed down immediately. I looked down at him and he opened his right eye to give daddy a little peak.
He was perfect.
From Mom's Perspective
My water randomly broke at 7:00pm on Monday, August 10th, while I was making a new dessert I found on Pinterest (s’more bars! I have yet to try them as I left it in the fridge). Anyways, Joe was just finishing his weekly training swim at Jericho Beach in Vancouver. He was in the water when I called but had his phone in a bag that dragged behind him just in case I called (which means baby is coming). So I called him 3 times and there was no answer. So I left a message.
Then I call Michele and she comes over to help me relax. Thank goodness they are a two minute drive away! I took a bath to calm myself and then Joe called me saying he saw that I called from an alert on his watch and that he was on his way home. I just relaxed with Michele until Joe came home. I wasn’t having any contractions so knew we had a lot of time before anything big happened but one thing I knew for sure was that my water broke.
Once Joe made it home, we headed to the hospital to get checked out. They checked me over and confirmed that my water broke but sent us home because I wasn’t having any contractions.
At 10:30ish, I start to get little cramps here and there but nothing crazy, just thought it had to do with my water continuing to break. I had to pee every five minutes and kept dripping every time I got up to move. I decided to lay in bed and get some rest.
I didn’t rest. Just before 12am (happy anniversary, Joe), I started getting contractions. I was laying in my bed and was super comfortable while Joe timed them and held my hand through each one. They hurt so much but Joe said they weren’t close enough together for me to go in (thinking of the 4-1-1 protocol). The 4-1-1 protocol is when you have contractions 4 minutes apart, for a full minute, for an hour. Apparently, that is when you should head to the hospital.
Anyways, at 1:30ish, I had a reallllllly bad contraction and told Joe that we needed to go to the hospital because something wasn’t right. I had a gut feeling that the pain I was feeling was more than just early labour. So before we left, I went pee and there was blood. So I was happy we were heading to the hospital since we were told to go if there was blood. I wasn’t sure if I was over reacting about the pain of my contractions because I’ve never experienced labour. How was I to know?
It was hard to get in the car because my contractions were full on. But we made it to the hospital and went up to the Birth Center. They examined me and I was thinking I would be like 2-3cm dilated and the OB on call said “umm wow. You are 9cm dilated”. At 10cm, you begin to push! Good thing I trusted my gut to head to the hospital!
I looked at Joe and started to hit him because I knew I couldn’t get the epidural which we planned. I was sooooo mad at him because he was the one counting the contractions..! HE should have known!!!! That being said, after reflecting on this, my contractions were kinda sporadic so blaming him was mean at the time. I did apologize after I realized we can’t go back in time, and told him I loved him and there’s nothing we can do now about it. Just have to keep moving forward. He felt so bad but there was nothing we could change or do. I was going to have the baby without any meds. All natural.
We went to the delivery room and I felt the need to push so bad! I started pushing I think around 2:20am. Oh. My. God. It hurt. It hurt, it hurt, it hurt!!!!!!! But they could see the head after like my first push but I just couldn’t push through the pain. It was too much to handle. I knew that baby would be here if I persevered through the pain but once you get to that pain, it’s so hard to push through.
Joe looked to see how I was progressing and his eyes widened. “Jen, I see his hair, you are so close. He’ll be here if you push through the pain”. The nurses were telling me the same thing for the last few pushes but as soon as Joe said it to me and had such certainty in his eyes, I believed him.
And so, I pushed through the ring of fire, was told his head was out and to keep going. All I needed to do was push more to get his shoulders out, so I did. It was such a relief when I felt him exiting my body. The pain instantly disappeared, like the flick of a switch. He was here!
I was in labour for just under three hours which I’m told is not common. I’m so incredibly lucky to have such a fast birthing experience and to have us both healthy at the end of it. This is an experience I will never forget.
That being said though, if we decide to have another baby, we will definitely go to the hospital earlier than needed and refuse to leave to make sure I get that epidural..!
